What a weekend. We traveled south for the husband's 10 year high school reunion. We had planned to break an 11 hour trip in half, and find a hotel in virginia. Evidently every major university along route 81 was preparing for their last football game of the season because a 5 hour hunt for a vacant room ended in us reaching our final destination at 6:15am the next morning. There was no room in the inn.....or in any inn, for that matter. We stopped at every Marriott from the top of Virginia to the bottom of North Carolina without any luck. If college football is this big of a deal, I think I'd better jump on the band wagon. Who knew!? We stumbled into "grandma's" house at 6:15am and went straight to bed. Ohhhhh how I love being there! Between the built-in babysitters and the 2 minute drive to Starbucks and Hobby Lobby, it's truly heaven on earth. I had been informed of the 10 year reunion back in July. In true female fashion I had a strategic plan to lose 20 pounds. Instead, I think I gained 7. As if a 10 year reunion isn't bad enough, try filling a room with pencil-thin southern belles. We came in 2nd place as the couple who had been married the longest, and tied for 1st as the couple who had birthed the most children since high school! I think that deserved a reward, no? Instead I sulked to the car and vented "I was the chubby wife with the mom hair cut who looked exhausted!" My adoring husband knew that laughing at me, rather than with me, at that moment was his best option. He treated me to a nice restaurant and we ordered dessert to go so I could eat it in privacy with my sweatpants on. ;) ANYHOO..... this was not the point of this post!
What's up with all these single, God-fearing, successful young men???? We know multiple here at home and I had the privilege of meeting two at the reunion. All holding steady jobs..... involved in their churches..... sincere...... good looking. I was brainstorming (during our romantic dinner) and came to a conclusion. My opinions are controversial, I realize that. And most of you will not agree. BUT..... My first reaction was "there must be something inferior about these guys". It's always the man's fault, isn't it? Culture screams it. But as I thought more, I turned the tables on myself. Could it be that there was a generation of girls raised to believe that they could be independent? Successful? And that motherhood was in no way as fulfilling? Who wants to stay at home? Scrubbing yellow poop out of sleepers and going without a shower? There must be something better. There is, actually! You can dress nice, and stay clean, and earn MONEY, and make your own decisions! As shocking as it may sound, I don't believe that this is always wrong. God certainly doesn't call everyone to the same lifestyle. But it does make me sad when I see so many amazing husband-material men, without a woman willing to follow their leadership. I, for one, have never regretted my lack of career. And I won't say I didn't warn you if my own daughter lacks a desire for one as well. :)
Megan – I happened on your blog tonight think it's good to disect this a bit. Why there are so many single Christian men and women is a complex nut to crack. Thankfully we rest in the knowledge our God is sovereign and there are no oversights or mistakes… all things work together for all who love Him. If the root cause behind a single Christian man really can be traced to an independent working woman not willing to submit, that is a symptom of her heart, in turn meaning the heart condition is the causal factor… the career is a few steps removed. So also I know many single Christian working women very willing to be married and throw themselves into delighting their husbands, who simply haven’t found the proper mate. In cases of your new single male friends and my female friends, lack of compatible ‘other halves’ in their circles is likely the issue, not that there are Christian women not willing to marry. This lack of Christian singles I agree is result of a cultural influence that has led society as a whole to stray from their God and fail to bring little boys and girls up to seek the heart of God above all. Thankfully we as parents can affect a change for our generation - to teach them to be and seek that mate. As the youngest of five I watched my mother work outside the home on and off, mostly on, ever since I can remember. She bore the emotional and physical strain because she recognized that as her duty to submit to her husband who needed her to do so. She projected herself as a professional every day and was quite successful in her roles, but her heart was always to honor her family. She chose jobs that would allow her to leave when she needed, which also meant she worked when we slept. I’m certain because she recognized this as her career’s formative priority, she didn’t have nearly the lucrative position she could have landed given her qualifications -- she is one of the most submissive women anyone objectively would attest to knowing. This led me to understand it is the motive and heart behind a woman’s path that is key, and so the antonym of a servant’s heart and submissive spirit can be present in both working or non-working women. I use this personal example not to be defensive (clearly you know I work and always have), but because it was the first shining example I had and continue to reference in my own daily decisions of the Proverbs 31 woman being less about a checklist and more about the qualities all women should cultivate in serving others. I just wanted to share from my background and perspective, that lack of a submissive spirit is not always linked directly to a woman’s career path. There is unfortunately often a rift between Christian working and non-working women in the church on this point, and I think it’s our part to break those stereotypes to promote primarily the qualities God desires to see above all in both and admittedly disparate paths. We have in common the heart’s desire no matter the varied daily evidence of that heart, which is a really beautiful connection... and a beautiful picture of the body of Christ with all members fulfilling different functions reporting directly upward. Thanks for sharing good food for thought to many women. - Christy :)
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your thoughts, Meg, but be careful. I can guarantee you that none of these "wonderful men" are in my circles. Granted, the ones you met are too young for me...but still, that doesn't mean that I am a "girl raised to believe that I could be independent. Successful. And that motherhood was in no way as fulfilling." Unfortunately, the path that God has ordained for me right now has FORCED me to be independent. Just thought I'd share the other side of this.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, you're NOT a chubby wife with a mom-do! If I didn't truly believe this, I wouldn't have written it!
Love you!
Your "favorite" SINGLE sister-in-law ;)