My Nightstand

I've been in a book mood. We're approaching the end of summer (my very least favorite season), gearing up for school, and making more frequent trips back to the library. There's not much enjoyable about snuggling up with 3 sweaty kids on the couch to read for 30 minutes. The Mr. has to be in bed by 9pm to get sufficient sleep before his alarm goes off at 1:30am for work. And I am a NIGHT OWL. This has been a somewhat stretching experience for me, to say the least. :) So I've been trying to read. We crank the window air conditioner unit and I put on a teeny tiny light. Here's the stack I've been going through. I find it hard to read just one book, beginning to end. Because my mood changes by the night (poor Seth), I'm never in the mood to read the same thing two nights in a row. Thus the stack. 

- Almost Amish - this is the story of a family that goes from high class activities and enjoying a successful physician's paycheck, to completely simplifying their entire lifestyle. Very inspiring. And the cover is GORGEOUS.

- Bringing Up Bebe - from the library. One woman's account of the different ways in which French parents raise their children. Eye opening! But hard to not think "I wish so-and-so would read this...." while you're reading it :)

- Julia's Hope - I am NOT a fiction girl. CANNOT stand fiction. But this, I like. Because it may or may not be about a young mom during the Great Depression who has to pick weeds in the backyard to feed her family. Not that I'm in to that sort of thing or anything..... ;)

- The Backyard Homestead - more of a reference manual. They share step by step plans how a family of 4 could live off the land on as little as 1/10 of an acre. Astonishing.

- The Dirty Life - one of my all time favorites. Reading it for the 3rd time. A writer from NYC meets a farmer living off the grid. They fall in love. She leaves the city. True story. Ahhhh.....

- Real Marriage - Driscoll's new book on sex, friendship, and life together. Driscoll has been a favorite of Seth's for a few years, so I kind of got it to show him my support. I never expected to actually like the book. LOVE their writing style. LOVE their openness. Would recommend it to any married couple.

- The Homemade Pantry - a mother's day gift. They know me too well. 101 foods you can stop buying and start making. Her descriptions of the recipes themselves will melt your heart. I love her. And her food. Photography is AMAZING. Will be pouring over it for years.

How my mother ruined me

This whole moving experience has been exhausting. I don't remember it being this stressful 6 years ago. But then again, I only had a baby. We've been learning tons. And have gotten frustrated. And have been blown away by how evident God's hand has been. I specifically prayed for that. We really didn't think any of this would actually work out, so I prayed that God would make Himself VERY evident. Thanks for the listening ear, Lord. :) In the midst of it all, I've been forced to look back over the past 6 years, and wonder what the next 6 will be like. That's when I realized my mother ruined me. I have a very vivid, clear memory. Growing up, our home was ALWAYS clean. Of course there were a few times when Jamie's room was messy, (grin) but we were never allowed to go to bed with it looking like that. There was ALWAYS dinner. There was never a "well, can you just have another bowl of cereal?" Or a "here's bread and butter". My children probably take comfort in those words, whereas I had never heard them in my childhood. The grass was always mowed. Every single room was decorated, vaccuumed, and dusted. She NEVER sat and watched tv during the day. She was rarely on the phone. Internet didn't exist. I never had to climb over a 4 inch pile of shoes, socks and toys in the car to get my seatbelt on. Our clothes were clean and put away, unless of course my dad got home first and hung our bras on the ceiling fan. In other words, my memories were far different than my own kid's memories will be. And I hate that. She ruined me. Her standard was way too high. Of course I don't remember the "poor" days. Days spent filling the holes of the pickup with old underwear so they wouldn't arrive at church covered in dust. Or days upon days of eating deer meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner because there wasn't money for anything else. I have no memory of those times. As far back as I remember, whenever I was struggling with something, she'd softly sing "Count Your Blessings". It probably annoyed me. But after I birthed my own daughter, I quietly sang those words each and every night. She's 3 1/2 now and won't go to bed without it. But tonight was different. She sang along. And I was swimming in tears. For some reason I never expected it. Didn't think it meant all that much to her. I just did it as a reminder.... for myself. But instead it's ingrained in her mind as a memory. And I wasn't even trying. It made me think about all of those memories I have, and wondered how many of those were made on purpose. Such conviction. It's not the memories that I'm trying to force, but rather my daily motions. That's what they'll remember. Thanks for ruining me, mom. :)

We're moving!

July would've been our 6th anniversary in this house. 6 freakin' years! Silas was 3 months old when we moved in. We had a nursery....and a guest room! We promised each other we'd "stick it out" for two years. We'd "make due" with another town house. We'd be super disciplined, and suffer. ;) If you had told me we'd be here nearly 6 whole years, I would've collapsed into a pile of tears. But then life struck. Job changes, car changes, church changes, adding a baby, and then another. New friendships made, old friendships lost. Meeting wonderful neighbors. Calling the cops on others. Fights. Ohhhhh, the fights. The tears. The birthdays. The surprises. The LOVE. Growing. Taking a few steps back. Feeling defeated. Finding success. It all happened here. Am I excited to move? You shouldn't have to ask. My husband heard his sobbing wife on the phone when I said "our offer was accepted....we got the house." I am elated. My kids will have a yard. My kids will have a FREAKIN' YARD!

I captured the moment....

...discovered an "m" on my side of the bed. they explained it standed for "mom", in case I forgot where I sleep.....

...."d" is for dad :)

....the very rough draft of this year's schedule...

....our school cabinet completely cleaned out and ready for a new year's worth of books...

....the ones we're done with!

this perfectly describes her....all pink and frilly, digging in the mud :)

I made deodorant using this....

and these. it's lovely and actually works! :)

a gap

Believe it or not, we've finished our school year. Starting in July can have that affect. ;) Being advocates of classical education but no where near seasoned enough to do it by myself, I chose to follow the schedule and curriculum choices that Easy Classical set out. A woman I highly respect suggested it and it exceeded my expectations. It's a fool-proof system and they laid everything out for me. As we have committed to take this entire journey on a year-by-year basis, I have planned to use it for our next school year (kindergarten and first grade). The one thing I've been struggling with is what to do now. I've considered jumping into our next school year. When I think about when we'd finish, and then choosing to continue on with the next year, I have horrible visions of being one of "those" people. You know. Having a 6 year old in 4th grade???? :) And then I heard about the gap year. High school students who are either ahead on credits or need a year of maturing before heading off to college choose to travel. Study abroad. Apprentice with a veterinarian. Anything, really. So, that's what I've chosen to do from March - August. These will be our "gap months". :) One of the things I LOVE about being the teacher AND the mom is that I know each one of their strengths and weaknesses. And because I'm scared to death about what first grade might bring, and how an almost 5 year old will handle the rigors of kindergarten the classical way, we are taking a step back in order to lay an extra foundation. How quickly can he read that book and yet still comprehend it? They became pretty sloppy with those math flashcards.... maybe we can work for accuracy. Sure they completed their work, but sighs and rolling of the eyes also accompanied it. This is what our gap months will be for. I started wavering in my ability to complete it all in a day. Maybe I could use some straightening up as well. If we cut back the responsibility load, in essence those things that are left over should have much more time devoted to them. Hopefully resulting in accuracy, efficiency, and a respectful and obedient spirit. I also made a list. I make lists for everything, and I'm one of those people that has to add 3 items to the list that have already been accomplished solely for the sheer joy of crossing them off. :) But this list was different. What are the common sense things they'd learn if they were in "real" school? I think we, as homeschoolers, tend to fall short at times. That's why we end up holding a tissue to the nose of the 11 year old and demand them to "blow". All of those little every day accomplishments that are done quicker if they're done by me. But if they were in "real" school, they'd have to take responsibility and do it themselves. Hence my list. What do I want them to accomplish this year, besides academics. Even if it takes an entire month to learn one new skill, we can still accomplish 12 before the year is over! And one more thing I'm hoping to accomplish during our gap months.... my home! July will mark the 6th anniversary of moving in. I can't even believe that's a reality. Our goal was to stick it out for two years. And then life smacked us in the face. :) But as we get our ducks back in a row, we'd really really REALLY love to be living somewhere else next year. In my ultra analytical planner mind, I figured I have approximately 11 months to purge, clean, re-organize, paint, replace carpet/blinds/moldings, and the list goes on.... That's hard to do when the kids are 3, 4, and 5 and you're homeschooling preschool, K5 and 1st! :) Thus, these glorious gap months. :) Who knows. We may even tip-toe near the edge of normal and wait to schedule "back to school" night until September. :)

Healing

I have been quiet, and I have been hurting. Inconvenient health problems cropped up towards the end of the summer and instead of starting an investigative hunt, we cranked the stress up a notch. Today I am slumped on the couch in a state of worry, fully getting what I deserved. ;) Constantly in this realm of concern and anxiety....waiting on doctors, waiting on test results......thinking maybe it's all in my head. And then a new month starts and I'm reminded that this is my reality. I opened the Word this morning, guilty that it's no longer a habit. I had prayed first. Prayed for wisdom. Prayed for healing. Prayed for my children. I had then turned the tables, to read what He had written for me, and I sneezed. Oh my heavens the pain. I doubled over with the sensation that my abdomen had been torn in two. Slam! I shut my Bible and picked up the phone. Your turn is over, Lord! I'm in pain now, so I need my husband. :) It's so interesting to me how easy it is to come to the Father while things are going well. I trust you Lord, because right now at this very moment things are great! How I hope God has a great sense of humor, because I'm certain He gets a big kick out of me. :) I am a control freak by nature. If I can't research it, or don't have an answer for it, it must not exist. I have used Google, family, friends, and 3 different doctors offices.....one mainstream, one ultra-holistic, and another somewhere in the middle.....and no one can figure out how best to address this. But there HAS to be an answer. And then I HAVE to be able to fix this by juicing large amounts of kale. :) Or maybe Chakra's are the answer. I've done a little bit of research about those as well, and my chakra's symptoms are linked to bitterness, fear of abandonement, and financial instability. Sounds pretty legit to me! Haha! But deep down, I needed to be reminded that there is only one Healer. He is already aware of what's wrong, what needs to be done to fix it, and how it's going to affect my family and I.

Proverbs 3:7b-8a

"...fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body...."

Psalm 147:3

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

James 5:15

"And the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up...."

too much caffeine = you need to hear about my weekend!

What a weekend. We traveled south for the husband's 10 year high school reunion. We had planned to break an 11 hour trip in half, and find a hotel in virginia. Evidently every major university along route 81 was preparing for their last football game of the season because a 5 hour hunt for a vacant room ended in us reaching our final destination at 6:15am the next morning. There was no room in the inn.....or in any inn, for that matter. We stopped at every Marriott from the top of Virginia to the bottom of North Carolina without any luck. If college football is this big of a deal, I think I'd better jump on the band wagon. Who knew!? We stumbled into "grandma's" house at 6:15am and went straight to bed. Ohhhhh how I love being there! Between the built-in babysitters and the 2 minute drive to Starbucks and Hobby Lobby, it's truly heaven on earth. I had been informed of the 10 year reunion back in July. In true female fashion I had a strategic plan to lose 20 pounds. Instead, I think I gained 7. As if a 10 year reunion isn't bad enough, try filling a room with pencil-thin southern belles. We came in 2nd place as the couple who had been married the longest, and tied for 1st as the couple who had birthed the most children since high school! I think that deserved a reward, no? Instead I sulked to the car and vented "I was the chubby wife with the mom hair cut who looked exhausted!" My adoring husband knew that laughing at me, rather than with me, at that moment was his best option. He treated me to a nice restaurant and we ordered dessert to go so I could eat it in privacy with my sweatpants on. ;) ANYHOO..... this was not the point of this post!

What's up with all these single, God-fearing, successful young men???? We know multiple here at home and I had the privilege of meeting two at the reunion. All holding steady jobs..... involved in their churches..... sincere...... good looking. I was brainstorming (during our romantic dinner) and came to a conclusion. My opinions are controversial, I realize that. And most of you will not agree. BUT..... My first reaction was "there must be something inferior about these guys". It's always the man's fault, isn't it? Culture screams it. But as I thought more, I turned the tables on myself. Could it be that there was a generation of girls raised to believe that they could be independent? Successful? And that motherhood was in no way as fulfilling? Who wants to stay at home? Scrubbing yellow poop out of sleepers and going without a shower? There must be something better. There is, actually! You can dress nice, and stay clean, and earn MONEY, and make your own decisions! As shocking as it may sound, I don't believe that this is always wrong. God certainly doesn't call everyone to the same lifestyle. But it does make me sad when I see so many amazing husband-material men, without a woman willing to follow their leadership. I, for one, have never regretted my lack of career. And I won't say I didn't warn you if my own daughter lacks a desire for one as well. :)