Part Two

Well I wasn't proven wrong! I thought I'd better jump on here real quick and share some more before I continued to be bombarded with emails! #1: we are still married! #2: we have NO plans on divorcing. #3: thanks for caring enough to check in on me and write your own words of wisdom. :) I am not ready to share the personal details of what happened. Another thing I haven't decided on yet is how much I want to share about what we've learned in counseling. It sounds like such a wonderful, sincere effort to make, but I need to be cautious that no one else is hurt by what I share here. One thing I have learned is that you forgive, and forgive, and forgive, and forgive, and forgive. And forgive again. Another very interesting fact. Did you know that you can both be raised in loving, Christ-centered homes and yet grow into adulthood, get married, and still serve a very different God than your spouse? NEWS FLASH! That one just about blew me out of the water. One of us has "accepted the God of our earthly father", and yet one has not. Can you guess who is who??? Hehe... :) We both serve the same Creator, but our idea of that Creator is sooooo completely different. Who knew!? Not us! You know what else I realized? I am so.utterly.sick. of husband bashers. And competitive momma's! We started out on such a good foot. No tv, we prayed together every night, we even (please don't gag) made it a point to brush our teeth together every single night. And then you buy a house, and worry about what the other young wife is going to think about your decorating ability. And then you get cable tv, and stay up late watching shows that convince you every man on earth is a rich, sexy jerk and every woman needs to be able to fill a D cup. You become dissatisfied. The babies start coming and now you're wondering if yours are wearing the right thing, if you're nursing the right way, if you're reading enough books, if they're memorizing enough scripture, if they wipe their own bum after they poop. Then you get a promotion, and a nicer car, and start shopping for bigger houses. We both say we were the happiest when we had no money and no internet and no car bill and no freakin' cable tv. Do you know why? There was less temptation, and less stress, and less distraction. I seriously don't think the phrase "the honeymoon is over" has anything to do with the amount of years you've been married. I think it has everything to do with the other things you let into your marriage. I loved my house and my furniture until I started reading blogs. He loved his old job until he found out that there's more money to be made elsewhere. I "needed" to redecorate so I was a worthy blog to read, and he "needed" to work more to pay for the motorcycle and bigger house. which, by the way, never ended up happening because we started the stupid dave ramsey program. :) What would happen if you were handed an older car and moved into a smaller home without magazines, tv, or internet. And you couldn't go to target. :) My life would change. Drastically. And what about freakin' facebook!? Do you know how many times a day I check to see what you're wearing, how much weight your husband has gained, if you sat your kid in front of the tv at all, and what color you just painted your bedroom? I'm just sick of it all. I want my kids to be smart and advanced and mature. Do you know what that has resulted in? I can't even look at them without seeing a booger, or fingernails that need to be trimmed, or an outfit that doesn't match. We live our lives trying to impress people we don't even like! And look where it has gotten us. I took a week off of facebook, just to see if it would effect me. No blogs, no facebook, and no weather.com (my guilty pleasure of being freaked out that the world is coming to an end by 5pm because of all the "record storm outbreaks!" notifications flashing at the top of the screen) for a week. I was calmer, enjoyed every moment more, and learned how desperately I need to LIVE my life instead of wasting time watching you live yours. Our husbands need wives who aren't so keenly aware that the guy down the road is pulling in three figures and just completed P90x. We need husbands who put God and family first, not their job....or their paycheck....or their hobby....or their very real desire for skin and boobs and long legs. :) My husband once traveled with a man in the same business. They were discussing how much time they had spent away from their families. My hubby hadn't been home in three weeks, but the other man "won" because he had been gone for six. Seriously? You're okay with that? You men out there that are so desperate to climb the ladder and provide for your families....what are you providing other than a paycheck? Money is not everything. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Do you know how many families out there are losing the hearts of their children because they're too busy with "the ministry"? And do you know how many very wealthy, successful men have pulled my hubby aside and quietly said that it wasn't worth it? They now have kids who are grown and too involved in their own lives to care to keep a relationship with their father, and a wife who got too used to her independence and money to need her man for anything. You.would.be.shocked.

We are going to attempt a retracing of our steps. When did we get lazy? And let distractions in? And stop caring? Our priorities are so out of line. All because we care about what you think. :) Because it's cooler to say that you were at the gym for an hour today, instead of saying you read your Bible for an hour today. A marriage has suffered. Badly. By God's grace we have started the healing process. I LOVED the text I got last night from a friend that reminded me that I CAN'T make this marriage work, but He can. For us, it's now a matter of eliminating the distractions, one by one, so we can see Him clearly. The road ahead seems so long. But we made a promise. My life is not my own.

To be continued, yet again....yes, there's more...