A Challenge to Myself

It has been awhile. :) Our summer ended, my "prep for fall by emptying and reorganizing every closet and cupboard in the whole house" began, and we started the adventure of homeschooling. Therefore, no blogging. But this week holds the promise of a few more cleansing breaths, so I've made a challenge for myself: blog. every single day. I always convince myself that whatever I'm going through, or whatever is on my mind could in no way be entertaining enough to put here. But that has never really been the purpose of my writing anyway. This is for me. For me to remember who I was, and what happened, and what it felt like. Not for you to be entertained. Or impressed. :) Because I struggle too much with that in "real life". Worrying about what you think, that is. And I long to be more honest. It's so much easier to let everyone believe that I'm loving life, or my house, or my husband, or my kids, or my hips. :) So, here's confession #1: I don't really trust God. I realized it tonight, and know that by stating that fact I've now taken the risk of getting 4 extremely long comments on how to change. So be it. Say what you want. The truth is, I feel as though I've allowed myself to believe that God, my God, is only associated with fear and tragedy. The "only-call-on-Him-when-in-terrible-distress" God. I haven't allowed myself to fall in love with the God Who loves me. I was writing in my prayer journal when the boys walked into our room tonight. My oldest asked what I was doing. I told him I was writing a letter to God. He then asked a question that just about stopped me in my tracks. "Mom, are you telling the truth?" Yikes! We've been talking a lot about the difference between telling the truth, and telling stories lately here at home. That's exactly what he wanted to know. If I was telling God the truth. How honest are we with God? I know this seems like a super-spiritual question to hear from the girl who only writes about laundry detergent and bath time, but I'm curious. After I was done praying, I opened my Bible to this:

Psalm 20
May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May He send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May He remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He answers him from His holy heaven with the saving power of His right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. O Lord, save the king! Answer us when we call!