Decisions, decisions....

We are facing a lot of decisions right now. Some are fun, like whether or not we should purchase a new vehicle! Some have already been decided upon, like the fact that we are not moving for at least another two years (but of course don't hold me to that. we change our minds. alot) Others are stressful, like when we should leave for vacation, how long we should be away, how many days off to take from work, how much work can be done while we're away, weather, packing, which vehicle to take for the trip, etc. etc. etc. Ugh. Really not into that decision right now. And yet others are very weighty. We have been praying about some serious stuff lately. Things that could change our lives, and our family, forever. (no, we are not putting the children on Craigslist) The internet is great for this stuff. We can do TONS of secret, anonymous research! I have been really struggling to give up my desires in this area. And yet the minute I was able to learn more, and start to grasp certain concepts, it seems as though the Lord has completely shut that door. After staying up late, yet again, we both looked at each other and said "well. okay then. I guess the door is shut". I almost cried. It took me SO long to be ready and willing for God to lead us down this path, only to get a very obvious "no". I had even started romanticizing and getting my hopes up. Now those hopes are gone. At least for a long time. Maybe God accomplished His goal, though. I mean, if you think about it, He got me right where I needed to be. I was finally surrendered to Him in this area. It's funny, because sometimes the things you are most afraid that God might require of you to do, or be, or say, He may just need to get you to the point of surrender. Whether or not you are familiar with Clay Crosse, I'm hoping these lyrics will either challenge or encourage you.

I Surrender All

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours
Chorus:
I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all
If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay
down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise
Bridge:
Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all