Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Biting my tongue
Have you ever had a day, or a week, where you keep hearing the same things over and over and know that God is trying to teach you something? Well, for me it's been the past couple of months. I am not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of a girl. I'm also not a let-it-roll-off-your-back kind of a girl. And it just so happens that I tend to be a it's-my-way-or-the-highway kind of a girl. I always gravitate towards stating an opinion or proving someone wrong. This "me", this completely terrible, sinful, wicked part of myself has reared it's ugly head in the past few months when I took it a step forward and decided that if you all weren't doing it the way I would do it, then you are just not doing it right. I even contemplated writing a book but had numerous family members advise me not to, on account that I'd probably lose all of my friends. :) I'm not one to lash out and say it like it is, right then and right there. No no no, I've got more class than that. I choose to store it away in that black crevice of my heart and just vent about it later. Dirty looks and sighs are also a favorite. I bet you all are so thankful that you're my friend right about now, right? :) I've had certain, um, "issues" with certain, um, members of my family for years. I've just recently started having similar "issues" with friends. I really think it all comes down to love and respect. I have a really hard time (sin nature) accepting and respecting someone who has completely different values and opinions than I do, so much so that I have a hard time looking past it all and just choosing to love. This is even uglier when I feel very little respect and love from someone else because of differences of opinions. It's the crazy cycle! I feel disrespect from them, so therefore I treat them with disrespect, and on and on it goes. Let's just say for example that you're a working mom. Let's also say, for example, that you didn't breastfeed your baby, that you're planning on sending your children to (gasp!) "real school", and that you let your scum bag of a pediatrician shoot any and all forms of chemicals into your babies body via vaccinations. The former Megan would then cross you off of her "friend" list and move you over to the "such an ungodly woman, I can't even believe God hasn't struck her dead yet" list. You are laughing because you think I'm kidding, right? Hm. My mom is the only one reading this who is nodding her head in agreement. :) Anyway, all of this to say that God is showing me that just because someone does it differently, doesn't mean they are wrong. Whoa! Did I just say that!? I can't believe that my mind even knew how to process that sentence. Now it certainly helps (A LOT!) if "that person" can also respect and love me for the decisions and lifestyle that I have chosen. I'm not quite to the point of being able to love and respect someone who doesn't love and respect me. Just trying to be honest! I'll get there. But for now, I am learning that I can throw the judgmentalism out the window and just love you for who you are. God has not chosen everyone to live the same life that I am living. Earth shattering, I know! But this is new to me. Also, a question if I may. How do you all feel about confrontation? I happen to absolutely, 100% love it. I'm sure that shocks you, right? :) Do you know how many friendships have been saved by one person taking the risk of confronting the other one about a misunderstanding? I mean, seriously people. This world would be a much better place. But I've also had many friends advise me against confronting. Opinions are appreciated, and I promise not to judge. :) So thankful God is merciful, and never expects perfection from me.....
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Dear Meg,
ReplyDeleteCan I tell you again how much I respect what you write? It is like my complete inner self being poured out on paper by someone else.
The dangerous circle of being "one of those people that speak their mind and have no tolerance for those who don't agree" is that I became one of those people that I didn't like...I crossed my arms waiting for others to shut up so I could show them how right I was and how unbelievably stupid their train of thought was. But then people stopped wanting to listen to me because they knew I wasn't talking to converse about the matter. I wanted to convince them they were wrong.
I still battle with those inner demons most times I get into a conversation...but I, like you, have realized it is ok to disagree and *GASP* you might (small small chance) be right. :)
As for the confrontation...that is going to be for you to decide. I am a complete confront kind of girl. I don't like there to be walls up with people. I hate always wondering if there is a problem. I need to get my feelings out so they are known. This has gone very well...and it has gone terribly wrong. BUT, I know my personality and know that I will think on these things and mull it over and let it conquer me until I have addressed it. It sounds like you might be the same. Besides, how can someone fault you for being Biblical. If there is a problem with a brother, go to them. I love the freedom of knowing that unless I have spoken with you, I have no problems. My sad look, dirty face may just be a really bad morning at home. :)
So thank you for your honesty and loving me inspite of the fact that I bottle fed, vaccinated away, and send my kids off to the "PIT" of school every day! I enjoy you!
Okay, can I first just say that I am so happy that you are becoming a "new Megan". :) Cause the old Megan and I would probably...no, definitely not be friends. I am a much more laid back person...definitely no judgment on my end. I know people...am very very close to people who are of the superior judgmental type and I despise it to my core. All in the name of "holiness" and "godliness", somewhat vicious words with hellacious (hmmmm, not a word?) attitudes are spewed against someone not doing it "their way" (which can I say is NOT God's way). I am a firm believer that God has given us all very different personalities with very different convictions. If there was never a Christian to enter public school how would there ever be unsaved students witnessed to? Especially in this day where the 10 Commandments and the Bible and God's name are forbidden (unless in vain, of course). I grew up in a Christian school and at times never felt such a huge LACK of Christian love. It's called legalism and it's disgusting beyond belief. Christ showed his love in his own holy word about loving the unlovely. Tax collectors, harlots, thieves...these are the people that Jesus used in the Bible as examples of people that he associated with and redeemed. Far worse than someone who doesn't home school, bottle feeds or wears pants to church (I threw that in there for my own good measure). I find that most people who judge are the guiltiest ones of going against what the Bible says. Doesn't the Bible say judge not, lest ye be judged? Or my favorite, remove the log in your own eye before telling someone about the splinter in theirs. This is a HOT topic for me. One that I will confront someone else on for sure. Confrontation is subjective, I think. I will confront someone if it's worth it. If it's not and it's just a matter of opinion, what is the point? Often times, it's not worth ruining a friendship over. An "agree to disagree", if you will. Also, I am a firm believer in what I was always taught which is...if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it all (at least not to their face - hehe - just kidding). It is the golden rule which I know is a cliche...treat others as you would have them treat you. I am sure that you don't like being judged for your actions, feelings, convictions so therefore, extend the same courtesy to others. People's actions, feelings, convictions are between God and them and no one else. I feel like it should stay like that. The Lord knows that I have my own problems...I'm not in charge of trying to change other people! No matter how much I may think that I am right. :) So, hopefully you can also choose to be my friend though I also have bottle fed 2 of my 3 children, have them vaccinated and am choosing to send them to public school (for right now anyway). :) Cause I like you...and who you are becoming...and I really like your honesty...and your new nose piercing...lol
ReplyDeleteYou missed a great discussion on the Judgmentalism chapter of our book last week, Megan! It would have been fun to have someone else on "my side" of the school fence. lol. j/k, of course! :)
ReplyDeleteBeing confrontational can be a great thing - it's completely Biblical, just potentially dangerous in the motive/manner it's done. I believe it's an area of weakness for most of us Christians. So don't back down if God's given you this strength just b/c it's not popular...
"Speak the truth in love." Eph 4:15
ReplyDeleteMany of us have no problems with the speaking-the-truth part. We are confrontational without hesitation--sometimes to the point of losing friends.
Others of us have no problems with the in-love part and will "love others into trouble" because we were too afraid to offend a friend and tell them the truth--even when they are headed for disaster.
The problem is that Paul--under inspiration from the Holy Spirit--tells us to do BOTH!
Confronters: We SHOULD be speaking the truth, but we should also have compassion as our motivation...not being right!
Lovers: We love people, so we SHOULD stand up and say something...no matter how scary it is or how afraid we are to lose a friend.
These are hard for me. It's a lesson on both sides that I've been learning this year..."speak the truth in love". They go hand-in-hand and should never be separated.